My husband and I have been married for five years. We have no particular problems in our relationship other than his ex. She constantly finds an excuse to communicate with him, usually concerning the children, and constantly asks him to meet to talk. I think she is trying to get back in touch with him, because in fact she has never gotten over him and still hopes that there is a chance that they will get back together again. When I tell my husband, we argue, he insists that he only talks to her about the children, but I have overheard them many times without my husband knowing and they talk about irrelevant things and he also laughs at her jokes. I am very bothered by my husband's relationship with her and I do not know what I have to do to get her out of our lives. What would you advise?
In addition to love, essential ingredients for any healthy relationship are trust, respect, and communication. But when jealousy prevails, for no reason, all the above are lost. Hidden inside jealousy is the fear of losing what we have. And fear again in turn hides the insecurity that we are not good enough to be loved.
As long as we are able to control our jealousy, and not let it spill over into words or actions that can hurt both us and our partner, there is hope to save the relationship, if of course we are willing to work on ourselves and see what lies behind this feeling.
However, when jealousy is expressed in a bad way, trust and respect in the relationship are lost. And at the same time, our self-esteem and our sense of calm are lost.
Therefore, if you do not have any clear signs that your partner and his ex are carrying on more than just a typical human conversation, since there are children involved, it would be good to get help from a specialist or talk to people whom you trust.
Because the point is not to get rid of your husband's ex-wife. This is impossible and unfair since there are children in the middle, which means that it is imperative for their parents even if they are no longer together to communicate and raise them together.
The point is to be able to trust the person you are with, to allow him to have the communication he needs with his ex-wife, so that he feels close to his children and that he is doing his duty as a father. If he cuts off communication with her, he will not be able to be informed about the daily life of his children, and this is what divorced fathers need. It makes them feel a part of their children's lives.
Finally, it would be good to speak honestly to your husband, and tell him how you feel, but without blaming him for his communication with his ex-wife.
My dear readers,
This is the last answer to your questions to be published in this column. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love and trust all these years. To those who have sent me a question and I have not yet answered through the newspaper, I will answer via email.
Certified Holistic Professional and Life Coach, Certified Heartmath Coach/Mentor, and Certified Points of You practitioner.