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Letter from Athens: Greeks Are the Sex Champions of the World

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(Photo by Eurokinissi, file)

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, Xaviera ‘The Happy Hooker’ Hollander, who knew a thing or two or perhaps twenty about sex, said of all the men with whom she had, ahem, consorted, that Greeks were the best lovers.

What else did you expect? They've been practicing since ancient times and even today in the tourist areas such as Plaka in Athens you can find proof on playing cards that show just how many positions of importance the subjects had in this field.

And during the horror show of COVID-19, what more uplifting news can we have amid the somber headlines than the survey by Durex, which makes condoms, AKA by the Greek word ‘prophylactica’, which showed Greeks may not fare well in competitive rankings in many economic areas but nobody beats them in bed.

Rated 81st in the world for competitiveness, 29th for human development, and 60th for corruption – give or take a few years and ratings – Greece is the undisputed #1 in the all-important category of sexual activity.

The Durex poll, perhaps tongue-in-cheek, surveyed the sexual habits of 30,000 people from 26 nationalities and found that Greeks have sex most often. Some 89 percent of adults said they perform the act at least once a week, and for some partners it certainly is an act.

That was ahead of even the hot Brazilians who were next at 85 percent and then the Russians at 80 percent, maybe wrecking the myth that all they like is vodka. Some 91 percent of Brazilians and 86 percent of Greeks “strongly agreed” that sex was an integral part of their health and wellbeing.

Not only did they do it often, but long too, the Greeks and Nigerians tied for the longest sessions in the sack at 21 minutes, although Africans had an edge in performance as they were first in how happy they were with their sex lives at 67 percent.

Then came Mexico, India, and Poland with Greece ranking fifth with 54 percent claiming a high level of sexual satisfaction, no further details given on which side was less happy afterward.

At the bottom of the list are the Japanese, who work most of the time and the survey finding only 15 percent said they were satisfied with their sex lives and 34 percent doing it once a week. Next to last, perhaps surprisingly, were Americans who like work.

This is a touchy subject during the time of #MeToo when women are rightfully aggrieved about the beastly behavior of disrespectful men who don't know boundaries. But having said that, people still feel the need for going behind companionship from time to time, driven by natural human instincts and urges and love.

This is, after all, a beautiful act, although Woody Allen famously said in response to a complaint that it's dirty that, “it is if you're doing it right.” Of course, he also said that, “there are only two important things in life. The first is sex and the second I don’t remember,” which is the state you want to be in afterward, at least for a while.

The women in Lysistrata didn't say they were going to withhold souvlaki from their husbands if they didn't stop waging war, did they?

Aristophanes, who wrote the play, had 106 words to describe men's weapons and 91 for what women possess so let's not have any revisionist censorship, ladies and gentlemen and all genders because this was literature, not pornography!

Greeks may be able to retire the cup on this because they are regular winners in the subject according to some surveys. In March 2020 – as the pandemic was setting in – the German newspaper Bild said Greeks ruled the roost – or rooster – atop the list of the world's most sexually active nations, averaging 164 sessions a year, or more than three times a week.

That's more than Parliament meets and they do the same thing to Greeks regularly and get paid for it. So lawmakers are sex workers too and they should get paid extra, although for some of their partners it's hazardous duty.

Five years ago on the site Quora, where you ask questions and get answers, someone asked: "Greeks have the most active sex life; 87 percent having sex at least once a week. In the United States it is around 55 percent. Do they care more about sex than money? The correct answer is both because Greeks care about sex AND money, although not as much as gambling, smoking, or arguing, but where's those surveys?

Having sex regularly is healthy. Just ask any doctor, including Dr. Ruth, because otherwise people can suffer some unpleasant difficulties, including a man who called her to say he finished the job before he got started but then told her he had to call back.

In 2015, the site Thrillist – aptly named – said Athens was the world's most flirtatious city. Dr. Simon Hardy, author of the journal article, The Greeks, Eroticism and Ourselves told the Telegraph: “If you are visiting Greece soon, be on guard, you may get yourself into a sexy situation before you can say, ‘Aristotle’,” although that might turn you in a different direction for what you want that day.

There's more but I'll have to call you back.