Many of us book summer vacations in pursuit of happiness, only to find our problems waiting for us on the beach. Everything we get involved in is part of this all-encompassing pursuit. However, often the ways we reach for happiness become the cause of our unhappiness. What do I mean?

I’m not claiming to be some kind of expert on happiness. No one is. I still get entangled like everyone else. However, over the years it has become clear to me that some responses to life events stand an excellent chance of inviting at least a glimpse of happiness, while the ‘usual responses’ guarantee elongated periods of unhappiness. Identifying and gaining some control over how we respond to external events can help us experience this most sought-after state.

There is a story that goes like this: Once a teacher presented to his students a large piece of white paper with a small black dot in the middle and asked them to say what they see. Everyone said that they see a black dot. Then the teacher proceeded to point out that the black dot on the white paper represented a difficult or ‘negative’ event in our life. Most of us focus on that black dot and fail to notice that it is surrounded by all that white representing all the things and situations that work well. Developing the habit of not losing sight of the positive that always encircles us is one way of inviting happiness.

Detachment is another way to the path of happiness. Attachment to desires, expectations, people, places, and objects will always result in making unhappiness our constant companion. Detachment does not mean indifference, by the way. Detachment means understanding the divine law of transience. Letting things go, especially when they provide pleasure, sounds irrational. However, remembering that all things pass, and that everything has a beginning, middle and end, might soothe us during those periods of grief, when the end of something – or someone – we treasure arrives.

Acceptance of another truth also provides relief – that we will always get what we need and what we are ready to receive. However, since often we are not in touch with what we need, we fail to recognize it when it comes to us. Conversely, we are always crystal clear about what we want. Wanting arrives from ego, whereas our needs arise from vulnerability. Every time we do not get what we want, it is of profound importance to realize that what we got instead was exactly what was needed for that time. Trusting this fact, although difficult, is a powerfully effective response to whatever life throws our way.

Happiness is different from joy, satisfaction, pleasure or excitement. These are temporary states – they lift us up, only to drop us down repeatedly. Happiness carries the energy of tranquility, not excitement. It is a constant state of acceptance of what comes, as well as what does not come. It is about ending any sentence that starts with, “I want…” with, “…it might happen, or it might not happen.”

The responses outlined above are rooted in age-old teachings. Despite persisting for centuries, they remain challenging and difficult to implement. But we owe it to ourselves to give some of them a try, as they will offer us happiness beyond the fleeting pleasures of a one- or two-week summer getaway.

Good Journeying,

Yolanda Koumidou

Yolanda Koumidou, LCSW, BCD, CHT, is a bilingual psychotherapist, Greek and English, and Executive Director of the Koumidou Center, LLC, with 30+ years experience in offering individual and couples therapy nationally and internationally. She is the author of a few books and poetry collections and a host of a popular podcast focusing on Harmony in Relationships. She has an office in Lynbrook and a retreat center in Upstate New York where she offers private individual and couples retreats.

More information is available online: www.koumidouretreats.com and by phone: 516-568-0306.

Follow on social media: @koumidouretreats