Ok, cue the Dr. Who theme song or Looney Tunes because this is going to be waaaaaaaay out there past Pluto, not the cartoon dog but people who believe in conspiracy theories who can't spell dog even if you spot them the d and the g, although for Greeks, you'd have to give them σκ … ος and fill in the blanks.

I have it on good authority, but can't reveal the source under Greek privacy laws which prevent the release of names of people charged with rape, murder, larceny, and other crimes unless they're a politician a rival wants to get, that the New Democracy government is part of a worldwide conspiracy to use COVID-19 to control your mind, especially if you've been using fluoride.

If I were Prime Minister Kyriakos Mitsotakis I'd use it to plant subliminal messages to vote for the Conservatives but the conspiracy theorists can't spell Conservative either although they can spell Psycho, as in the U.S. President.

There have long been conspiracy theories, including in Greece, such as belief in The Epsilon Team (Ομάδα Έψιλον) about an alleged secret society that appears in Greek modern folklore, conspiracy theories, and UFO-ology.

The team was first described in a 1977 book Spaceship Epsilon: Aristotle's Organon: The Researcher, by George Lefkofrydis, inspired by Plutarch's text On the E at Delphi.

This work makes L. Ron Hubbard and Scientologists seem like real rocket scientist, although you have to wonder why Xenu and his Douglas DC-8 that's been flying for millions of years didn't meet the Epsilon in Deep Space. Make that the Deep State.

Lefkofrydis said he discovered hidden messages in Aristotle's Organon, the six works on logic, in which the author said he found the philosopher was an extraterrestrial from the star Mu in the constellation Lagos so far away he couldn't phone Athens to get a souvlaki takeout.

Lefkofrydis described the existence of a secret society of influential Greeks, who had extraterrestrial knowledge stemming from Aristotle, and worked to protect the interests of the Greek people, which hasn't seemed to work given that they had to suffer invasions, wars, and now a pandemic.

Beginning in the 1980s, literature about the society became entangled with anti-Semitic conspiracy theories, placing the Epsilon Team in a cosmic battle against the Jews, kind of like Hubbard's Battlefield Earth with John Travolta also playing Aristotle in the upcoming movie if he can live down reviews for Gotti.

As do one-quarter of Americans, many Greeks believe the COVID-19 pandemic is a conspiracy of one sort or other to control them, blaming the world's elite, the views being pushed on Greek websites, leading a prosecutor to intervene.

The office is investigating posts on social media networks and news sites claiming that the pandemic is essentially a conspiracy, urging people not to wear masks or follow health protocols and refuse to pay fines issued violators, said Kathimerini.

The information was sent to the prosecutor by the police cybercrime unit, on the orders of Citizens’ Protection Minister Michalis Chrysochoidis, a preliminary inquiry now expected.

“We will take all legal measures so that public health is not threatened by misinformation or conspiracy theories circulating on the internet,” Chrysochoidis said, the New Democracy government trying to stop the spread of false claims so you know they're part of the conspiracy and may even be working with the Zionists, Masons, Thetans, The Avengers nemesis Thanos, or the Houston Astros stealing signs.

One blog said the vaccine for the disease is being developed under the direction of Billionaire philanthropist Bill Gates to decimate the global population without realizing apparently that wouldn't leave people alive to buy Microsoft products.

President Psycho, who can't spell IQ even if you spot him the I and the Q because he doesn't have one, fed into the conspiracies and is now adding to them by claiming the United States’ lower death ratio rates than other countries, fumbling to explain it in the face of statistics showing otherwise.

It's uncertain how many Greeks think, as he indicated, that the pandemic might be a hoax or that is was deliberately created in Wuhan, China, but 25 percent of Americans surveyed by the Pew Research Center said powerful people planned it so it has to be the Epsilon Society resurrected.

A minority of Greeks rank high in GQ, the Gullibility Quotient, and believed

Artemis Sorras, who said he had 600 billion euros ($667 billion) in post WWI-era bonds and would pay off the debts of Greece and all Greeks – but charged members of his Greek Assembly 20 euros ($22) in fees. He was convicted of attempted fraud and given six years in jail.

A study by the American Journal of Tropical Medicine and Hygiene found 2,311 COVID-19 conspiracy theories in 25 languages from 87 countries – why not 87 languages? – including that drinking bleach, a/k/a The Psycho Cocktail would work but don't try that at home, folks.

There's only one person Greeks can trust to sell them a surefire vaccine for COVID-19, and he'll throw in a set of steak knives with every order.

That's Kyriakos Velopoulos, head of the Greek Solution Party that's in Parliament. He's being investigated by a Supreme Court prosecutor for one of his ubiquitous TV ads for a balm he said protects people from pneumonia and COVID-19, a two-for-one deal so act now.