Before we get to the alleged news, a final score just in from Brussels: Turkey beat the combined team of the Eunuch Union-Greece-Cyprus, 3,000,000,000-0.
Under the mercy rule, after meeting Turkish officials and threatening sanctions over Turkish plans to drill off Greece as it's doing off Cyprus, the Non-Star team conceded and crawled out the back door, hard to do with your tail between your legs.
So another so-called summit – the EU calls every meeting a summit even if it's to decide on a menu for free food – ended in the bloc's leaders tweeting and issuing press releases claiming victory after a beating worse than the 1978 Boston Massacre by the New York Yankees, a brutal four-game sweep with a combined score of 42-9.
In this case, instead of being sanctioned after Greek Prime Minister Kyriakos ‘True Blue’ Mitsotakis and Cypriot President Nicos ‘Waffle’ Anastasiades withdrew demands for penalties, Turkey could be rewarded with another 3 billion euros in aid to contain refugees and migrants who head for Greece.
That's part of the EU's carrot-and-carrot approach, its foreign policy being based on ‘soft power’, which has pushed up viagra sales all across the bloc except for politicians facing the castrating glare of Turkish Sultan Recep Tayyip ‘The Terminator’ Erdogan.
This was an utter humiliation for the EU, Greece and Cyprus – which accepted the promise that Turkey could-might-possibly-likely would some year face sanctions as bad as double secret probation.
It was even worse than Roberto Duran throwing up his hands of soap when Sugar Ray Leonard used his face for a punching bag in their 1980 summit. Make that ‘showdown’. That's the match where Duran said “no mas,” no more, now the official slogan of the EU.
For those of you isolated at home during COVID-19 and trying to follow this soap opera in between washing your hands and sanitizing your hand sanitizers, the meeting was designed to get Turkey to stop plans to drill off Greek islands.
That would be in undisputed Greek waters that the United States agreed with Turkey are disputed, all while backing Greece's claim that they aren't. You know, permanent interests, not permanent friends so watch your back, Mr. Prime Minster.
Mitsotakis and Anastasiades went there armed with irrevocable demands for sanctions on Turkey only to see Erdogan play the whole team by withdrawing an energy research vessel and warships from near Kastellorizo and pull out one of two oil and gas drill ships off Cyprus. One's still there.
By the time the two-day debacle ended, Turkey was threatened – again and if that fails again and again and again – with sanctions if it goes ahead with the drilling plans, Erdogan saying he would no matter what.
Greece, not following The Tony Soprano rule not to go to the other guy's house to negotiate, especially if it's over your own property – agreed to have talks in Ankara, not Athens, about Greek waters.
Anastasiades threatened to veto EU sanctions on some Belarus officials for that government's rigging re-elections to insure victory for President Alexander Lukashenko – who was exempted from penalties.
Anastasiades said he wouldn't go along unless the EU toughened sanctions on Turkey but gave in under pressure from other leaders of the 27-member bloc and accepted that Erdogan would be given yet another warning instead.
After it was all over, Erdogan crowed he would do what he wants anyway so how'd that appeasement thing work out for the EU, Greece, and Turkey?
You can throw in NATO if you can find the defense alliance's alleged leader Jens ‘Jello’ Stoltenberg hiding under his desk to avoid Erdogan although Turkey and Greece are both members.
It was sad to see Anastasiades, Mitsotakis and EU officials trying to spin the beating in their favor even as Turkey moved to put the sovereignty of Greek islands as well as waters on the agenda for the coming talks.
Erdogan's move pushed back at least until the end of the year any attempts at penalties, which, if invoked, would see him flood Greek islands with more refugees and migrants who went to Turkey fleeing war, strife and economic misery in their homelands.
Mitsotakis said that “Greece is fully satisfied” with the summit conclusions, using as proof that: “It is clear from Paragraph 20 that if Turkey continues with its unilateral, aggressive behavior, there will be consequences.” That's because the first 19 paragraphs saying the same were put in File 13 in Ankara.
When it comes to Erdogan, Paragraph 20 isn't going to work but for whatever reason, Mitsotakis thought otherwise.
European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen referred to two "tool boxes" that could be used against Turkey but unless one of them has a howitzer that's not going to work either.
“The EU will use, in this case, all the tools to defend its interests. Developments will be monitored. Any decisions will be taken by the end of December,” said Mitsotakis. So Erdogan has to watch out for being monitored too, which should make him shiver or laugh all the way to the bank with 3 billion euros.
Just in case Erdogan didn't get the message, Mitsotakis said there are clear references to articles 29 and 215 in the treaties, which relate to sanctions which will be imposed on the 12th. Of Never.