Talk about the Gang That Couldn’t Think Straight – Greece’s self-anointed Guardians of the Constitution (they won’t be wearing any I’m a Rocket Scientist T-shirts) were dumbfounded to find they were the ones arrested when they abducted a high school principal for imposing COVID-19 health measures.

The Greek cops, who are used to alternately chasing and ducking their helmeted heads from anarchists tossing marble stones and Molotov Cocktails, must have been amused to see the 11 Guardians of the Galaxy walk into a precinct in northern Greece with the principal in tow – then detained themselves.

The Cuckoo Crew, including two women, said the principal was a criminal for following the law in implementing health restrictions at the school, which require students to wear masks and keep safe social distances.

The Wheels of Justice move very slowly in Greece – it can take 10 years to find yourself in court unless a government wants to make an example of you – and that’s what happened in this case when the Anti-Vaxxers were charged faster than you can say “Conspiracy Theory.”

Three of them were jailed pending trial and the other eight released on conditions, including that they don’t leave the country, which will prevent them from boarding the mother ship to get to wherever they’d rather be somewhere out there.

This silliness happened in the town of Katerini and defies mocking or ridicule, words these people can’t spell, along with Cat even if you spotted them the C and the T. But, sadly, are indicative of a Loud Minority in Greece who are the real criminals, spreading a deadly disease and getting away with it.

Reports said they pulled the principal away from the high school, roughed him up, handcuffed him, and took him to a police station demanding he be formally charged with following a law they don’t like.

For kidnapping – which apparently is a misdemeanor in Greece along with other violent crimes as well as embezzling state funds – the eight who were released must report regularly to a police station, good for a chuckle from the cops at least, and keep at least 400 meters (437 yards) away from schools.

You can forget about anything happening to anyone because before the ink dries on the charges there will be other scandals and shenanigans here and nothing will happen to these people, nor will you ever find out their names.

One media report indicated the leader had been released from prison at some point for the misdemeanor of killing his wife, which in Greece is a crime along with parking on the sidewalk which won’t even get you a ticket.

The Guardians – you wouldn’t let them guard a dog house even with a dog whistle – believe they are upholding Greece’s Constitution and laws even while violating them, but when notified of that looked at the police like a dog who couldn’t hear the whistle.

Vigilante groups have recently appeared in Greece’s second-largest city of Thessaloniki and nearby towns, one calling themselves The Custodians and wearing black uniforms, arguing that the restrictions are unlawful and should be opposed.

Similar gangs have appeared in the area, attacking leftist high school students, the right-wing extremist thugs modus operandi being to assault in numbers and then run away and hide, not willing to go one-on-one with anyone.

The New Democracy government has vowed to crack down on the groups, and on gangs that sell counterfeit vaccination certificates as it’s trying to rein in the pandemic that surged after being spread by anti-vaxxers, who are allowed to roam free without being inoculated, spreading fear and poison.

As nutcase groups go, this one is right up with those who sent money to Artemis Sorras, who served 27 months of a six-year jail sentence after being convicted of scamming countless Greeks while claiming to be a billionaire who’d pay their debts.

Sorras, the founder of the ultranationalist fringe group Convention of Greeks, was convicted in December 2019 for attempting to defraud the state of billions of euros by claiming to be able to pay off the country’s national debt in exchange for low-rate returns and bonds as collateral.

Officials said he defrauded people with his scheme in which he encouraged them not to pay taxes because he would.

So many of his True Believers went to tax offices and said they sent him the bill, which brought a laugh almost as big as the ones from the cops when the Guardians walked in with the handcuffed principal.

Sorras said he had 600 billion euros ($676 billion) in post WWI-era bonds and would pay the debts of Greece and all Greeks – but charged members 20 euros ($22.54) monthly to join his group.

Now why couldn’t I think up a grift like that?

If everyone who reads this column would just send one euro (oh wait, that means only one euro) … if everyone who’s insane and reads this column sends one euro it would help build a legal fund to help our fellow Guardians.

Any money left over will go into my 1966 Corvette Sting Ray savings bank account I started in 1966, but the rest (apart from some of my administrative expenses and hiring that Swedish secretary) will go to a good cause: stopping those COVID-19 health measures and buying some handcuffs.