Dear Stavroula,

I am 32 years old and a few months ago I gave birth to my baby, a wonderful little cherub that I adore. But my life has changed radically and I constantly feel that I am trapped and that I don’t enjoy anything anymore. I have quit my job, at the insistence of my husband and his family, and have been confined to the house alone with the baby, who breastfeeds all the time, sleeps little, and when I have a little free time to read something or watch TV, I am so exhausted that I just doze off.

I’ve stopped doing anything that used to make me happy – I don’t see my friends, I don’t go to the gym, I don’t leave the house and when my husband comes home I constantly complain because I feel like I’ve lost myself. He can’t understand what’s happening to me – he thinks I’m ungrateful because now he works two jobs so we can raise the baby and when he comes home, he wants to have a good time and not for me to spoil his mood. It makes me feel even guiltier that I’m not happy to be raising my baby without worrying about who’s taking care of him, but the thought of being cooped up in the house for a long time in this condition terrifies me. I tried to talk to my husband about going back to work and finding someone to babysit but he became furious. I really don’t know what to do. I’m starting to feel sorry for myself and my baby as I don’t know if he feels my unhappiness.

Panagiota

Dear Panagiota,

The transition to motherhood can be one of the most beautiful, but at the same time most challenging periods for a woman. Dramatic changes in hormone levels after childbirth, as well as changes in a woman’s identity caused by motherhood combined with social factors such as changes in personal relationships, can lead to postpartum depression, a serious issue that requires attention and care. It is a form of depression that can appear within the first months after the birth of the child and is characterized by feelings of intense sadness, frustration, worry, and fatigue, which may prevent the mother from effectively caring for herself and the newborn.

Maybe you are facing this situation, too. The constant preoccupation with the baby and the lack of support or understanding from your partner can reinforce the unpleasant feelings that overwhelm you, as well as the fact that you no longer participate in activities that once gave you joy and relaxation.

The first and most important thing that could help you is to seek support. I would suggest that you talk to a psychologist or specialist counselor who has experience with postpartum depression, and with your husband. Perhaps a joint session with a therapist would help him better understand exactly what you are going through and you could work together to find solutions that will help you balance your needs with the needs of the family.

Also, it would help a great deal to ask for help on a practical level, from anyone you trust and feel close to. Perhaps this will make it a little easier for you to bring back into your life the activities that in the past gave you joy. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is necessary and essential for not only you but also your baby and your husband to be well.

Try to do some things you love with your baby, which will become easier as he gets older. You can go for walks together or visit your friends or even find other moms in the same position as you to communicate with and support each other.

Also, calmly discuss with your husband what would be the best time for everyone to return to work, or if that’s not possible, even working from home, once the baby settles down.

Finally, guilt and shame do not help in this case. Talk about your feelings to people you trust and don’t try to find a solution on your own. You’d be surprised how many women feel or have felt the same way, and it might help to hear how they dealt with it.