There are ordinary citizens who have changed the world and written books that have inspired minds. Then, there are government officials, newscasters, newspapers, sportsmen, and Celebrities – even presidents, who have neither inspired nor changed anything. Please let me give you a glimpse at some of the less bright – (unusually stupid) findings I’ve collected.

Arthur Levine, Pres. at Columbia University: “The fundamental problem with being poor is that you don’t have enough money.”

Vice Pres. Dan Quayle: “It isn’t the pollution that’s harming our environment.  It’s the impurities in our air and water that is doing it.”

Pres. of U.S. George W. Bush: “Remember Lincoln, going on his knees in times of trial in the Civil War and all that stuff. You can’t be! And we are blessed. So, don’t feel sorry for – don’t cry for me, Argentina.”

Bank Robber’s note to teller: “Milk, loaf of bread, pick up laundry.” (Wife will hear from him.)

Philadelphia mayor Frank Rizzo: “The streets are safe in Philadelphia; it’s the people who make them unsafe.”

Major Gen. Chas, F. Kuyk, Jr.: “The air force is pleased with the performance of the C-5A cargo plane, although having the wings fall off at 8,000 hrs. is a problem.” (He’s got a point!)

Player speaking to coach:  “One of our players has real charisma.” Oklahoma coach: “What?” Will he be okay by Saturday?”

Reporter: Do you think it might rain that day? ”Football coach: ”What do you think I am? A geologist?”

Nabisco cheese label: FOR BEST RESULTS REMOVE CAP”

Nissan manual: “The speedometer measures speed.”

Honda manual: ”If you crash, you may be hurt”

Volvo manual: To stop vehicle, release accelerator and apply brakes.”

News dispatcher: “The Senate crime bill [the Senate] passed a bill that would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the president, hijacking an airplane, and murdering a government poultry inspector.” (Now, that’s a really fowl offense)

Pres. Gerald Ford: “Mr. Nixon was the thirty-seventh president. He had been preceded by thirty-six others.” (His math is good.)

Pres. George W. Bush: ”And there is no doubt in my mind – not one doubt in my mind – that we will fail.” (Applause?)

Vice pres. Dan Quayle: “If you give a person a fish, they’ll fish for a day. But, if you train a person to fish, they’ll fish for a lifetime.”

Sign in Lakewood, Colorado lot: PARKING FOR BLIND ONLY.

Sign by elevator in Federal Reserve Bank in Boston: IN CASE OF FIRE, EVACUATE THE BUILDING- DO NOT USE ELEVATOR – DO NOT USE STAIR CASE (Pray?)

Sign in store in England: PRIZE WINNING SAUSAGES – ONCE TASTED YOU’LL NEVER WANT ANOTHER.

Pres. George W. Bush: “I have opinions of my own – strong opinions – but, I don’t always agree with them.”

Literary Review in England: “For most people death comes at the end of their lives.”

Lancaster Ohio newspaper: “Health department says death certificates are to be ordered one week in advance of death.”

U.S. army official preventing overseas typhoid epidemic: ALL ICE CUBES WILL BE BOILED BEFORE USING. (sometimes it’s hard to follow orders.)

Heaven sounds great! But, do we use public transportation to get there? Sign on a church door in Pennsylvania: ”We shall be meeting on Wednesday, April 11^th when the subject will be, “Heaven! How do we get there?” Transport is available at 7:55 PM from bus stop.” (I wonder if he gives guided tours.)

Kentucky newspaper, Herald Leader: “Free advice: Bundle up when out in the cold.”

Senator Bob Dole: “The future’s right in front of us.” (Where?)

Congressman in a debate: ”Mr. Speaker, this bill is a phony with a capitol ‘F’.“

Now let me quote a wonderful Greek philosopher, Simonides: “To be a great man, without blame, without question, also faultless, is very difficult. I am a friend of any who does nothing shameful.”