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End of the World, Again

There have been quite a few end of the world predictions. But, I have it on good authority that none of them ever materialized. In 1938 director/actor Orson Welles, began a radio program by announcing that he was just informed that Martians are attacking the earth. He switched the microphone to a panicked reporter who told of wild lightning and a heavy object that had fallen on a farm. Then, his voice went dead. Orson Welles came back on, speaking out of breath. People panicked, ran in the streets and some gave away money and belongings. Afterwards when it was all over there was outrage against the radio station and the media.

A Chicago housewife, Dorothy Martin, received a message from Planet Clarion in 1950 saying that a great flood was approaching by dawn on December 21, 1954 and a great flying saucer would rescue the true ‘Believers’ while all others will remain until the second wave. People quit their jobs and left their families; some gave away money and possessions. But lo and behold, nothing happened.

Jeanne Dixon’s book in 1937 called, World One, predicted that 2012 will be the beginning year of great catastrophic events and 2037 will be the final end. She also predicted that 1967 would see the cure for cancer.

A Viking stone found in Sweden said the end of the world will be due to weather conditions. The Mayan calendar predicted the end on December 21, 2012.

On May 11, 2011 Harold Comping, through a series of intense studies based on lunar and Jewish calendars, foretold that the world will end December 21, 2012. He, probably, swiped that info from the Mayans.

In 1988, a former NASA rocket engineer, Edgar Whisenant, had made exact mathematical calculations based on the Bible that indicated that the end will come on September 12, 1990. I’m sure that those who awaited that shattering event were disappointed, especially the mob of guys that stormed a certain bar that featured an especially strong drink where they drank like they just came out of the Sahara desert. Morning came and nothing happened excepting experiencing a huge brain strangling and tongue numbing hangover. But, Mr. Whisenant, rechecking his former calculations, apologized and corrected his error, rescheduling the end for the following weekend. That bar owner was one happy gent!

Well, predictions come and go and I have to say that we must learn to analyze each prediction more carefully. It must be based on very strict calculations or a scientific basis. Now, I have to tell you something very profound. The end is really near this time. So, don’t blame me if you decide not to listen. I had a dream with a vision that St. Ignatius came and entrusted me with two predictions. In the meantime, he plans to punish all the miserable souls out there who have lived a life of debauchery, stolen parking spaces from little old ladies, and neglected to renew their subscription to the National herald. Please adhere! A helicopter with a golden propeller will come to collect the worthy. (I get the seat by the window). First prediction his Holiness told me is that the world is going to end November 2nd, at 12:48 P.M. Sometime after lunch but, unfortunately, before the presidential elections. The second prediction he confided to me in deep secrecy is to bet on ‘Nifty Feet’ in the third race at Belmont.

Meanwhile, to the miserable souls and those who have a need to repent, please note: To help you to alleviate your sin-burdened soul, I am accepting any special possessions, jewelry, art work, and money. My garage will be left open for your convenience. So, remember: the END IS NEAR, again. Kaput!  It’s over!  (And, thanks, Iggie!)

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