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Dear Stavroula

Ask Stavroula: My Girlfriend Left Me When I Lost My Job

Dear Stavroula,

Six months ago, I met a girl who from the beginning said that she was very much in love with me. She wanted us to spend time together all the time and in fact, in the beginning when I was more cautious she insisted that I keep telling her how I felt and if I wanted to be together. As a human being, I am quiet by nature and I do not express myself easily. But this girl won me over because she was so different from me – she was very happy, tender, sweet, and I fell in love with her. I trusted her and let myself bond with her. But her behavior changed abruptly, as soon as I lost my job (just before the quarantine). Suddenly, she didn't want us to meet because in the meantime the quarantine started and she was telling me that her parents didn't want her to go out, then little by little the phone calls and text messages stopped. A few days ago, she told me that she needed to focus on her career and asked that we split up. I don't know why she changed so much and I keep wondering what happened. Ever since she told me it’s over, I feel terrible and I struggle every day not to communicate with her. Is something else going on? What should I do?

Manos

Dear Manos,

Recently you faced a very difficult situation, you lost your job. People with this problem usually have very strong emotions, anger (why me?), guilt (what didn't I do well?), fear (how will I cope?), and sadness about the loss. These feelings are not at all easy to manage because they are often very painful. The man who loses his job also loses his independence and that is why he often loses his self-esteem. As you can see, his behavior and the way he spends his day are likely to change. They are often not in a good position, they have intense mood swings that can be manifested by nervousness and anger or by closing in on themselves.

Sometimes this change in behavior, which is perfectly understandable, can affect those around him. And then two things can happen.

First, the people around them can support them with understanding and love, help them adjust more smoothly to this difficult situation, and help them dream of their future again and to take action to pursue a new career opportunity.

Second, the people around them may not tolerate their partner's change and are not be willing to wait for him to feel better.

This probably happened to your girlfriend as well. Don't try to find out why she changed and left. As a human being, she may have limited endurance and may not be able to cope with a situation that is no longer pleasant. Or she may not be mature enough to distinguish love and affection from simple excitement or her need to be with someone.

What would be good to think about is what you would do in her place, that is, if your significant other had lost her job and was not doing well. Would you limit contact or seek to show her that you are there for her? Would you leave?

And then think whether you would like to have a person beside you who just leaves during the difficult times. A person who stays on the surface and just wants to have a good time, someone who doesn't have the maturity to know exactly what she's feeling.

Finally, even if you think something else has happened, think about whether you would like a relationship in which there is no honesty, in which the other person does not have trust you enough to tell you what is really happening to her.

I would advise you to prioritize overcoming the problem of unemployment and if you have difficulty managing your feelings, visit a specialist.

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