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Dear Stavroula

Ask Stavroula: I’m Engaged, Is It ‘Infidelity’ to Go Out with a Colleague?

Dear Stavroula,

I’m engaged to a good guy and we are getting ready to get married next fall. Since the beginning of our relationship, he has shown me his love in every way, and that has won me over. He supported me financially during my studies, he helped me with my studies and to get my degree, and generally there is nothing he wouldn’t do for me.

Last year, I had a problem with my health and stayed in the hospital for a while. My fiance was always by my side, bringing me food, giving me presents, taking care of me. I feel that with him I can cope with the hardships of life – I know that whatever happens to me, he will always be there for me, and I know that this is not easy to find in life, which is why I made the decision to marry him.

Some time ago, I met someone at work who showed me from the first moment that he wanted me. When I told him I was getting ready to marry, he told me that it was enough for us to be friends. Since then we talk often, he has told me many things about his life and I have told him many things as well. Some days we go out for dinner together after work and discuss various topics. He has not spoken to me about his feelings, but sometimes he touches me tenderly and constantly tells me how beautiful I am. I see him as a friend and enjoy talking to him, but I’m afraid it’s not right to spend so many hours alone with him.

I feel terrible guilt because of my fiance, even though I have done nothing with my colleague, we only talk as friends. But is it cheating to go out with another man?

Vasiliki

 

Dear Vasiliki,

It is not easy to define the concept of infidelity, we could say that it is the betrayal of the agreement a couple has made and how it relates to the values ??and principles that govern their relationship. Therefore, for some couples it might be infidelity just to have any act of love, for others it might be what you are doing.

The man who approached you at work is more experienced in relationships than you, and that’s why when he shared his romantic feelings and you rejected him, he found another alternative to be close to you, asking you to be friends. Obviously, he knows that this often creates a very intense emotional bond between people of different sexes that can then very easily end in love.

And indeed, all his behavior seems to lead you in that direction. He tries to touch you, compliments you, so he approaches you in love, even though you have told him that you are engaged.

So think about what this behavior means to you. If something similar happened to your partner with a colleague, would you consider their relationship friendly? Do you find that it is based on the respect and trust that friends should have between them? Can you be sure that this person will respect the relationship you have and in a moment when you are vulnerable will he not attempt to reach out to you even more affectionately, especially since he wants you? And if he does, what will be the impact on you and your relationship?

On the other hand, you have a relationship with a man who, as you say, has supported you through all the difficult times of your life and shows you how he cares and loves you. Think about what your feelings are for this man and if you really want to live your life with him. So if you love him, are attracted to him and are happy with him, is it worth risking such a relationship for something that you don’t even know what it is?

Therefore, if you want to protect your relationship with your fiance it would be a good idea to stay away from your colleague completely and keep your relationship exclusively professional.

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