I am 42 years old and completely unsuccessful in my life. Though I have a good job and what many would call financial comfort, I am not happy about anything anymore. All my life I have dreamt of having a family, a husband who loves me and to love him, and all I have accomplished so far is falling flat on my face.
My life is full of failed relationships with men who have never been suitable for me, as if I’m attracting them like a magnet. I’m tired of getting hurt, frustrated, of crying, and of meeting yet another unworthy man. I’m tired of counting the years I’ve lost in relationships that made me unhappy.
I see others around me living with their families, raising their kids, being loved by their partners, making their lives meaningful, and I’m wondering what am I doing wrong, what’s wrong with me, and I can’t find a person to really love me?
MZ
Dear MZ,
What you may be doing wrong is that you are looking for the meaning of your life in a relationship, and not in all that you are, in all the good you have in your life. You have a good job, the financial stability to enjoy some things in your life that other people may be unable to do, but none of them give you joy. I would advise you to seek the help of a specialist and try to find yourself first.
Start slowly discovering all that gives you joy and satisfaction beyond relationships, such as friends, personal development, reading, traveling, visiting the countryside. Happiness is not dependent on a relationship, it is hidden in simple everyday things, as long as we allow ourselves the free to experience it.
In your situation, many people are often trapped who overestimate their need for companionship, choosing the wrong partners.
A good way to avoid making the wrong choice again is to clarify within yourself exactly what you are looking for, what kind of companion would make you happy. I would advise you to record these characteristics that you would like your man to have and to evaluate your relationships with respect to them so far. Did the men you associated with have the qualities you are looking for? If so, what went wrong? If not, why did you compromise?
It is also advisable to list the qualities of the men you have gone out with up until now and try to understand if these qualities are relevant to your true desires. For example, you may be afraid of ending up alone and would prefer anyone rather than being alone. But can you be happy when you base your choices on fear or insecurity?
Or again you may feel like the years are passing and you want to have a family because this is the dominant social model. But is it a safe criterion for your own happiness, what others expect you to do?
Or maybe you could see that something was wrong with the people you chose and thought you could change them. But do you have the right to require another person to change to fit your own beliefs or wants?
Think deeply and honestly – take a break from dating, and start a new relationship first with yourself. If you do not appreciate first what you are, if you do not treat yourself with love and respect, how can you expect your partner to?
ATHENS - A regulation in an omnibus bill will allow repatriated Greeks from Albania and the former Soviet Union to receive full national pensions, Labor and Social Protection Minister Kostis Hatzidakis said during a discussion in Greek Parliament on Tuesday.
FALMOUTH, MA – The police in Falmouth have identified the victim in an accident involving a car plunging into the ocean on February 20, NBC10 Boston reported.
PHILADELPHIA – The Federation of Hellenic Societies of Philadelphia and Greater Delaware Valley announced that the Evzones, the Presidential Guard of Greece will be participating in the Philadelphia Greek Independence Day Parade on March 20.
Every weekend, TNH and Clelia Charissis are on a mission, traveling around Greece and the world to highlight places through the people we meet along the way.
Sign up for a subscription
Want to save this article? Get a subscription to access this feature and more!
To purchase a gift subscription, please log out of your account, and purchase the subscription with a new email ID.
On April 2, 2021, we celebrated The National Herald’s 106th Anniversary. Help us maintain our independent journalism and continue serving Hellenism worldwide.
In order to deliver a more personalized, responsive, and improved experience, we use cookies to remember information about how you use this site. By Continuing to access the website, you agree that we will store data in a cookie as outlined in our Privacy Policy.
We use cookies on our site to personalize your experience, bring you the most relevant content, show you the most useful ads, and to help report any issues with our site. You can update your preferences at any time by visiting preferences. By selecting Accept, you consent to our use of cookies. To learn more about how your data is used, visit our cookie policy.
You’re reading 1 of 3 free articles this month. Get unlimited access to The National Herald. or Log In
You’ve reached your limit of free articles for this month. Get unlimited access to the best in independent Greek journalism starting as low as $1/week.