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Greek Solution No Solution for Greek Dissolution

The National Herald

Kyriakos Velopoulos, leader of the nationalists Greek Solution (Ellikini Lysi). (Photo by Eurokinissi/Vasilis Papadopoulos)

You can’t watch Greek TV without coming across the psycho rants of Kyriakos “Conspiracy Theory” Velopoulos, who has vaulted from cuckoo fringe TV to being poised to have his ultra-nationalist, super-religious, anti-immigrant, anti-Turkey Greek Solution party taking seats in the Parliament right next to the neo-Nazi Golden Dawn who’d look at him like HE was nuts.

This is the kind of guy who’d make Silvio in The Sopranos look for the exit. Velopoulos would probably start a Conspiracy Theory Club but be afraid some people were getting together to do something about it.

The only good he did in the May 26 elections for Greek municipalities and European Parliament was siphon votes from Golden Dawn, which fell from 9.4 to 4.88 percent, with exit poll data showing 12 percent of the Nazis’ supporters flocked to him.

How crazy is he? He wants not to build a wall at the border with Turkey to keep out migrants and refugees, but to lay mines as well. Not such a good idea for the sheep and lambs Greek farmers might have as a few stray steps and explosions would cut down on the amount of virgin wool being produced, leaving too little for him to pull over people’s eyes.

Velopoulos seems to be on every channel every minute of the day and night, making you take a hard look at the bottle of ouzo you were drinking while flipping channels looking for a movie or one of those ads featuring lithe young women in lingerie who promise to soothe your... Ah, soul for 1.88 euros a minute. A friend of mine told me that, yeah, that’s the ticket, a friend of mine.

Anyway, he created his Elliniki Lysi party just when it seemed there was no more room on the Whack-O Meter in Greek politics, that having been taken over by Golden Dawn and ruling Looney Left SYRIZA Alternate Reality Unhealthy Minister Pavlos “Dr. Who?” Polakis, who might be able to match Velopoulos in a Rant-off.

Velopoulos makes President Hump look like the Dalai Lama and, not having any WWWF fake wrestling on TV in Greece, it’s fun to watch him and set up a pool with friends on when his eyes or neck veins will pop out.

He’s actually been in the Parliament before but he must have been sedated. He was elected with the almost-as-insane Popular Orthodox Rally (LAOS) – it seems every election there’s one just-to-the-right-of Attila The Hun party in Greece – from 2007-09 before joining the center-right New Democracy from 2012-15.

That big sigh you’re hearing is New Democracy leader Kyriakos Mitsotakis, set to win the July 7 snap elections and put SYRIZA and Prime Minister Alexis “What Happened?” Tsipras in the dustbin of history, glad he doesn’t have to explain having Velopoulos around.

Velopoulos was born in Germany to Greek migrant farmers so it’s a good thing Germany didn’t have any walls or mine fields or he wouldn’t be around to take shots, so to speak, at migrants and refugees who want to get into Greece and seek asylum.

He’s best known for using his TV platform to sell “letters written by Jesus,” although you’d think he’d reject that unless they were in ancient Greek, but he supplements that with selling phony hair-growing products. It’s too bad they didn’t work so the hair could cover the hole in his head.

Think we’re kidding here? His show has more conspiracy theories than people who think Jews dressed as ninjas sneaked into the World Trade Center when the twin towers were built in 1973, hid explosives in the walls and timed them to go off 28 years later when terrorists hit the buildings with hijacked jet airliners.

Those people stained the memory of victims just as he did when he said that the July 23, 2018 wildfires that killed 102 people in areas north of Athens, including the devastated seaside village of Mati where 26 died embracing as the conflagration covered them, was part of a Zionist plot to get more Chinese exports into Western Europe.

That’s why he’s not funny, nor is it that 236,361 people voted for him, believing in his agenda to make Greece the center of the world, albeit 2500 years too late, oppose the European Union, go back to the drachma and have “a Christian Europe without Islamists.”

He’s known as a kind of snake-oil salesman and he could talk the bark off a tree because he’s a land version of those divers who go super deep into the ocean with one breath, although he doesn’t take any. You can watch him, go shopping, come home, make a lunch, take a shower, go to bed, wake up and he’ll still be spitting out the same sentence of lunacy.

A former journalist, Velopoulos attributed the populist party’s sudden uprising to his strategy of going around the country in a grassroots campaign, surprising people who opened their doors to see him standing there asking for his votes, not counting those who screamed, put furniture in front of the door, kissed the cross around their necks, and brought out the garlic to ward him off.

He is the author of Greece Bleeds, which he claims deals with the corruption of Greek society, army, legal system, and politics, and, if he’s elected, the coming sequel: Greece Weeps.