Dear Stavroula: On Long Distance/Age Differences in Relationships

Dear Stavroula,

I have a good life, complete, with two beautiful children. Their mother is no longer in the picture, our lives went in different directions. I have a very good job. Thank God.

For the last few years I found a woman who is like the jigsaw puzzle piece that fit perfectly. We have a big age difference. And we live in two different cities far apart. But…But please tell me.

What do you do when you find a unique person who makes you laugh? Who makes you be yourself? Who brings out the best in you? Who you can look at for hours and love forever?

I’m old enough to know what love is. And especially I learned (the hard way) that love does not knock on your door many times, once, maybe twice if you are lucky. Never three times.

There are few people who seem to be made for you. As if all the planets were aligned and as if everything fits. In a hug, a kiss, a laugh.

So, what do you do then, when you cannot be with this person? Do you wait? Distance yourself? Forget?

How do you forget?

Dimitris

 

Dear Dimitris,

You have a beautiful life with two good kids and a job that satisfies you. And what is very important is that you are aware that your life is good; it is complete, as you write. What I can understand by reading your letter is that you are a man happy with his life, that you are not missing something, that you are enjoying what you have.

A part of your life is the woman you are referring to, who you consider to be unique. With her you find yourself, love, joy. You do not live with her but you enjoy her love when you have her, you are enjoying her every moment, you live with intensity. You feel that this woman was made for you, that you fit perfectly.

So you ask me what you should do when you cannot be with this person.

You do not write me exactly why you cannot be together. As you do not tell me what her feelings are, what is her position on what “divides” you?

So, if she is as free as you are and if she has the same strong feelings for you, I do not understand why you cannot be together.

If the reason is the distance, there are always solutions for people who are really in love. There are points that join their paths if they are willing to do so. And if this cannot be done in the present for some objective reasons, it can happen in the future if there is love and a will.

If the reason is the age difference, then you have to see for which of the two of you it is a problem and whether you or she can and want to overcome it. Age difference alone is not a major issue in a relationship. There is a problem when there are other things that are difficult to overcome, such as discrepancies in character that when love passes, the age difference makes them seem even more pronounced. I would seek to see if there are other substantive differences, differences in principles, perception of things, worldview.

It would be good to think about why you feel that you cannot be with this person, since you believe that love in life is rare. Is it because she does not have the same strong feelings for you and somewhere deep inside you know it? Is it because you fear that the daily friction with her will spoil the magic of this love? Is it because you are happy with your life and in reality with your relationship as it is now?

I am sure that if you look into your heart honestly, you will find the answer to what you ask me.